Karen is a Real Life Survivor of many things, to name a few:

Addison’s disease, PTSD, attempted suicide, rape, sexual abuse, widow, pulmonary embolism, chronic major depression disorder, complex grief, disassociation (amnesia & detachment), brain injury and emotional and mental abuse the list goes on for this Real Life Survivor.

I am a former LPN

My Real Life Survivor story began with seven years of childhood sexual abuse by a family member at the age of five to twelve. I was raped at fifteen & nineteen by strangers it was very traumatizing. Raped at 15 resulted in becoming pregnant! I “loved” my daughter and spent 6 days with her in the hospital. It destroyed and traumatized me to have to give her up for adoption and I still grieve her loss thirty-nine years later (complex grief). My life changed “forever” and I was never the same! A month later, I attempted to take my life by overdosing!!

- sexual assaulted at the age of twenty-five resulting in charges laid, court trial and guilty verdict!

- unexpected death of my husband. Two and a half years after building our home, we had a house fire and lost everything. We lived in an apartment for seventeen months until our home was built. We moved in April and in June my husband passed away(by cardiac arrest) and I had to sell my house.

We were together for twenty years, I was traumatized  by the whole experience of what I witnessed especially an unusual physical symptom and I still have flashbacks. (Died at home, CPR for seventy minutes total, life support for six days then removed from life support and died again in 2016).

- severe concussion with PCS (post concussion syndrome) and TBI (traumatic brain injury). I was hospitalized for six weeks with memory loss, double/blurred vision, mobility issues and trouble word finding! (2017)

- Addison’s disease was in hospital due to overdose.

Extended my discharge as not well. I became very sick and was having thirty/forty second periods of apnea (not breathing), Internal Medicine/ICU involved. Acute adrenal failure crisis (I was not producing cortisol). Endocrinologist diagnosed Addison’s disease, a rare, incurable, potentially fatal autoimmune disorder and became steroid dependent to live. I was hospitalized for eight weeks to get stable. The doctor said had I been home someone would of found me dead. I wouldn’t accept a life on steroids to stay alive but with my “FAITH” and the “POWER of PRAYER” during a church service, I am steroid free. My body started producing cortisol, as per my Endocrinologist at a follow up appointment. She said I that was NOT misdiagnosed and she has never witnessed it in her career but “someone” healed me but it was not man as man cannot cure it (2017).

- loss of nursing career due to two work related injuries (WSNB) came after loss of my husband, my home, and my identity, all I knew for twenty years! I had to start life all over with nothing.

- Twenty - one surgeries (one resulting with several pulmonary embolisms, that resulted in a five week hospital stay and a year on blood thinners.

- Chronic major depressive disorder at the age of sixteen to present.

- Complex Grief (at the age of sixteen to present.

- Disassociation since childhood.

- Severe Complex PTSD (finally diagnosed in 2017 but have had this from childhood to present.

- Suicide

-Severe psychological damage from emotional/mental abusive relationship (last four plus years) resulting in suicidal ideations and several suicide attempts.

In a four year period, my attempts resulted in, me being found having to have CPR, intubated in the ER and was in the process of being taken to the ICU for life support but regained consciousness. A year later found with respiration’s of three/min after an overdose and became unresponsive. ER staff worked hard eventually, regained consciousness. Eight months later, I was found unresponsive, worked on several hours. I was unable to regain consciousness and was unable to breathe on my own. I was on life support for approximately one week unknown if I’d survive. The ICU specialist said i had a 50/50 chance. He told me he didn’t expect me to walk out of the hospital but I did. Less than a year later, another attempt resulting in life support. Less than a year later, another attempt. In and out of consciousness eventually becoming unresponsive and placed on life support for a short period of time!

I’ve been “hemorrhaging” trauma my whole life and the last six years show the evidence of it all and hitting the breaking point mentally within my previous relationship and the pain was unbearable. I had no self-love or self-worth. I felt I was unlovable and damaged goods. I was completely shattered and felt like I had no purpose in life.  I didn’t know who I was and I didn’t like the person that I had become or if I even mattered. All the flashbacks, night terrors, hyper vigilance, self-isolation because of fear and trust issues, grief and the emotional damage/abuse, I did not want to live anymore. I felt everyone would be better off without me. I now know how wrong I was in my thinking. My doctor says by rights I should not be here but I am and I’m thankful and grateful. It is by the Grace of God that I am here today! A year of weekly “trauma specific therapy” and still a lifetime to go.  I now realize my worth, I had to start “finding” me! Therapy has been very difficult, and at times in itself traumatizing, but there are many changes even if some are small. One being, I am self aware and I know now that I have a purpose. I know my worth and it does not depend on others opinions. Through it all, I have found my voice over the last few years and started advocating for myself, and I will use it to help advocate for those struggling with trauma/CPTSD and suicidal thoughts, by speaking openly of my journey.  If it helps even one person, than all I have gone through will not be in vain. My passion moving forward,is to put God first then me to continue healing. Also, to advocate and to help others and to do my part to fight and break the stigma of Mental illness, and do what I can to do my part in making changes. No one should hold their head in shame and suffer silently for fear of judgment, feeling like no one understands or will care and listen. Most importantly people should know that they are not alone in their battle! You are NOT alone, and LIFE is so worth LIVING!! Yes, there will be storms along the way but you will see the beauty of a rainbow after each one with more growth each time. I was blessed to be given 5 chances to restart my life in the last 6 years and I am proud to say that it has been 2 years this month that I last attempted to take my life. No trauma, no situation, most importantly, no person is worth losing your life over. I have now realized that I am surrounded by so many who want, and need, and love me unconditionally and I’m so thankful and blessed and I’ve have been working on the same. I am still at the beginning stages of my healing and I will continue on this path. It’s not always easy, but I strive to live in “THIS MOMENT” and to always be kind and compassionate. The shattered little pieces of me are being glued back together. They cannot be put back like before, but when finished, it will be a beautiful mosaic self made masterpiece. I am not a victim, I am a fighter, and a warrior, I am a real life survivor and I will never give up! Remember, we are all worthy, and we all matter!!! Most of all, we all have a purpose in this life, so never give up on yours.